“Madame Wylie, vous avez returned to notre petite establishment de coiffure, entre, entre, Senga regardez, c’est Madame Wylie, une cintre pour le second-best beaver s’il vous plait.”
“Thank you, Raymond, let me just tuck my gloves into the pocket and perhaps Senga might be so kind as to lay my silk square out on some tissue paper as far removed from polyester as possible.”
“Aye Mrs Wylie and if you wid jist gi’e me your Mackintosh Square, “fur retail incursions” I’ll place it on Monsieur Raymond’s chair. In addition, let me assure yoose that nay socialists ha’e sat there the day and the scissors’ve biled over night.”
“Most thoughtful Senga; now let me give you this tin of cookies for the staff, they are from New York.”
“Is that near America?”
“The very one.”
“Och that’s so good o’ yous tae remember us Mrs Wylie. Coffee?”
“That would be most welcome, just one moment, here take this I have brought my own cup and saucer, oh yes and there is a spoon. I wondered if in my absence, standards might have slipped as they have everywhere else it seems.”
“I’ll get Janice, the new junior, to do it. Janice jump tae it hen. Senga will shampoo you Mrs, I mean Madame Wylie. I just have Mrs Macaulay to roll and pin and then je will be right back for le consultation.”
“Let me jist tilt yous back Mrs Wylie. Is that watter ok the noo?”
“Perfect thank you. And how is your mother getting on with her calipers? Bowdy legs are so exhausting.”
“Och she’s no’ daeing tae bad. Still cleanin’ fur Mrs McCluskie three times a week an’ able tae get yon vacuum up three flights of stairs.”
“Splendid, one so rarely hears of such commitment from a woman what does these days. Hard work seems to be a thing of the past. Does she perchance have any spare time.”
“Not sure she does. She also does the ironing fur that bachelor who lives above the flower shop and has a collection o’ crinoline ladies and love pink flowers.”
“Oh, I know who you mean; lovely manners, works in McLaren’s menswear and according to Mr Wylie is very accurate with a measuring tape.”
“How’s yer man?”
“Exhausted and apparently suffering from jet lag which in men can last for 6 months.”
“Where wis yous agin?”
“Washington.”
“Never cared much for County Durham, ma-sel. Conditioner?”
“Mrs Wylie, coffee for yous.”
“Thank you. Janice. Now do tell me Janice, have you had much experience with trays?”
“No Madame, first time.”
“I thought as much. Now here is a little hint for the future Janice. A tray requires a cloth, and that prevents slippage which prevents spillage. Are you receiving me Janice? Do you understand, dear?”
“Aye.”
“Now lesson two – when in motion do not look at the tray, but hold your head up, and look at the middle distance.”
“Middle whit?”
“Look at Jacqueline’s Children’s Wear on the other side of Byres Road, and in the words of the dear Queen Mother glide.”
“Och, I feel a bit giddy.”
“You will get the hang of it. One last thing, generally speaking the spoon, especially one commemorating the Coronation, rests not in the cup, but on the saucer at the side.”
“Wid yous like a biscuit? I’ve got a nice tin, wi’ a crown on it fur yous. Yous like that kind o’ thing the ither girls say; an’ it’s a good make o’ biscuit.”
“Very kind dear, but apart from the fact I am watching my waistline, I think that might be a step too far. Let us think about that for next week, it will give you something to look forward to. It’s always good to have hope.”
“Madame Wylie, such a pleasure.
“I know Raymond; have you missed me?”
“As they say in Paris, near France, the last three months without vous have left me ‘puir deid devastated’.”
“I think you will find that is what they say in Paisley.”
“I try never to find Paisley.”
“Really a little bird told me you were from around The Sneddon.”
“I think you must have mis-heard; they meant from Sainte-Chapelle in the 1st arrondissement.”
“I am sure that is the case, Raymond.”
“Now, I think a good cut is on the menu today so while I snip, do tell all. How was Washington, near America?”
“It was simply marvellous. Of course I cannot say too much, what with security and everything but they were thrilled to have me there.”
“Did you meet Marilyn?”
“Yes.”
“She walks beautifully.”
“Jasper says she doesn’t so much as walk as undulate. It looks quite exhausting. The chat in the White House is that she does this by having one heel slightly lower than the other.”
“A bit like Lady Pentland-Firth?”
“The effect is similar except Patience’s odd gait is the result of years of jumping off bars in Berlin in the 1920s.”
“All things considered Mrs Wylie your hair is as lovely as ever, but something tells me you are not feeling your usual jolly self. Avez-vous une raison? Do share with moi, Madame. Remember one’s coiffeur est one’s père confesseur.”
“It’s just that not only do I feel a sense of anti-climax, but Britain seems to have fallen apart over the summer. Or at the very least my little corners of Scotland. My dear friend Lulu (she from the right side of Carlisle with the ballroom hold and perfect Italian vowels) tried to warn me in a letter, but I was too busy in the Oval Office to pay full attention.”
“What exactly do you mean?”
“Where do I begin?”
“Wherever you like my dear Madame Wylie.”
“Well, things just seem so mundane. I have come back to earth with a bang. America near the U.S.A. is just so exciting, everything seems possible. Kitchens not only have fridges, but so many labour saving devices. They even have domestic deep freezes, not just an ice box inside their fridge. Their standards of customer service are exacting to say the least, whereas here (present company excepted) it is as though someone is doing you a favour. And there is so much of everything – coffee on tap, water on every table. I don’t think we realise how much the last Unpleasantness has affected us here. We seem to have lost something.
“They have the money.”
“True but they also have a can-do attitude.”
“Perhaps Mrs Wylie that is because the state does less, and they have no choice. Sink or swim if you can swim. Fine if you have the resources.”
“I take your point, and that is what Jasper says Raymond, but might it be possible to combine the two? Might we eat out and enjoy it? Might we buy something from a department store that we feel the assistant has enjoyed selling us and value us as customers?”
“Perhaps Madame. Maybe you need to incorporate some of your new experiences here? Bring something of America to Scotland.”
“Well certainly I could do with revamping ‘Chez Nous’ which in my absence has seen a serious decline in sales. Even wrought iron magazine racks and sticky oot legs have not been enough to boost profits. It is true Raymond that no one has the interests of one’s business at heart like oneself.”
“Oh, I can appreciate that. When I go on mes vacances, I know Senga does her best, however she does not have the commitment or the savoir fair. Some days she cannot even find the keys to the Salon.
What else is concerning you?”
“It just seems that all our social things have been falling apart and one has put so much effort into them over the years.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well in my absence the Soup and Traybake lunches at the Church have reverted to traditional soups and my mulligatawny and minestrone have been relegated to “only available with advance notice.” The Country House Concerts seem to have been a disaster, with Lady Pentland-Firth too easily distracted by visiting lute players with a Latin countenance or violin players with too much vibrato for anyone’s good.
As for the rustics in the Rural Bolthole, they now seem to think they are extras in a Bruegel painting, lolling around looking interesting for tourists. I haven’t been able to get anyone to repoint my stonework with a traditional lime mortar. And as for Young Auld Jock, who was such a stalwart, he is insufferable since he has been offered a role in a documentary about the disappearing rural patois. I don’t think he’s mowed the lawn in three months. I wouldn’t mind but he’s from Partick. It’s all completely fabricated and a documentary maker who has moved into the village is lapping it up.”
“I am sure Mrs Wylie that once you and Mr Wylie are in residence again things will fall into place. I am told that regarding incomers, you see them come and you see them go. Each thinks they can make a difference and impose their ideas, but generally they cannot, and one can hardly blame the locals for taking full advantage.”
“You are very wise Raymond.”
“One sees it in hairdressing all the time, new styles, new products, new even more fashionable hairdressers, but at the end of the day it boils down to a comb and a pair of scissors. Just sit back and watch or why not introduce something that appears more exciting. Now, something else I sense is troubling you.”
“Well, I hesitate to mention this and please do not tell Mrs Macaulay, but you might recall my woman what does, but not a lot, Mrs Travers.”
“Ah, her with the heavily bandaged legs, the voice like builder’s aggregate and hair like mattress filling.”
“You’ve met?”
“Oh yes, she once came to moi for an “updo”, for a Masonic event. That was before her husband went off after the incident with Busty Betty. It was like working with the aftermath of an explosion; we had to erect scaffolding.”
“You are joking?”
“Almost, let us say it took most of the staff to get the chiffon scarf fixed before she left. She wanted hair pieces to give her height.”
“She didn’t mention anything about it.”
“Probably not, most of it was lost at Anniesland Cross in tram wires.”
“I see, well perhaps she has always been more of a dark horse than I imagined. Over the summer she has been at a college for those who have had little in the way of educational activity. Jasper encouraged her and I paid for a course at Night School for her. Cutting a long story short I came home to find a letter from her saying that she was leaving us. It seems that she has done very well and won a prize for an essay based on the work of Max Weber.”
“The pioneering sociologist and proponent of anti-positivism?”
“The very same”.
“What was the essay?”
“The Protestant Work Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism – The woman who never did enough, a window on the Scottish upper middle classes and post war de-industrialisation.”
“Whose experience was it based on?”
“Oh no one we know.”
“Well what next Mrs Wylie?
“It seems she has been so popular with both students and staff that she has been offered the post of housekeeper at the college, in return for tuition leading to a degree at one of the new universities that are shortly to be created.”
“Surely you and Mr Wylie should be pleased, you have helped to transform someone’s life. What is the problem?”
“The problem is despite doing very little, she did it my way and I am used to her. Not only that but she has seen fit to send her daughter-in-law, Sharon, wife of her erstwhile son Billy for whom Barlinnie is like a second home, in her place. It transpires that Sharon cannot cook or clean and appears to survive on canned food.”
“You can teach her Madame Wylie. I saw a little while ago how good you were with Janice. Give Sharon a chance just as you gave Mrs Travers a chance. Things are changing. It is 1961 and our world is vanishing before our very eyes, we have to adapt.
Now it’s dryer time. Before I turn you on what does Monsieur Wylie think?”
Oh Dear!
“Mr Wylie doesn’t know yet. I don’t know how to tell him. His little world, which exists along a garden path and between four wooden walls, depends on her entirely. I am not sure how to tell him.
à bientôt
Muriel Wylie
October 1961
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